I'm doing International Women's Day my way.
Less #accelerateaction and more #deceleratingfromconstantdoing
I am a woman who believes passionately in the humanity of women, and the equal rights of men and women. I am confident that I embody so much of what International Women’s Day (IWD) represents… yet I don’t love this year’s theme of #accelerateaction - More than that, I think its downright problematic to the aim of gender equality.
More on that below, but first, why is this day, IWD, important to me? What makes me confident that I embody so much of what it is all about?
Well - I am a mother, and I’m consciously doing my best to raise my son in all of his humanity, and so that he can maintain a deep respect for the full humanity of all people. I’m a business owner, and currently I’m the person in the home who brings in the majority of money to our household. I’m also a clinical psychologist, and my primary client group is women - it always has been, ever since I qualified from my doctorate in 2010. And within my business, my primary passion is empowering women to reconnect with their humanity - to reconnect with their emotions, their authenticity, their wholeness, their enoughness and their rights to rest, to set boundaries and to have equality in their relationships.
In my own home, I also start hard conversations with my male partner all the time (at least weekly) about the division of emotional, mental and physical labour in our lives.
For example, when he was the ‘primary earner’, I pointed out to him frequently that he was actually not the ‘primary earner’ - I pointed out that actually we earned that wage, ‘his wage’, together. Yes - he did the work that was valued and remunerated (outside the home, in an office), but I simultaneously did the equally necessary work, even though that work that was not valued and not remunerated (beyond a nominal £25.60 per week we get from the government in the form of Child Benefit) - Yes, I also worked, and I did nearly all of the work in the home - the caring, the home maintenance & family organising, the holding of the mental load & emotional load, to name but a few aspects of it.
I pointed out to him frequently that we both worked hard for that single wage, despite the fact that this wage came with the wage slip that just had his name on it. And I often pointed out that arguably, I worked harder than him, and worked longer hours than him - most days. I pointed out that he would never be able to earn that wage, if we were not both simultaneously doing our respective jobs - he, in the office, and me - in the home.
I pointed out frequently, a truth that was very inconvenient and uncomfortable for most ‘primary earners’, but that is very true nonetheless - that (in any family composed of a couple with any children) any one parent’s earning potential, in a job that is remunerated by society, would be significantly compromised, if someone else wasn’t also simultaneously, day-in and day-out (and all through the nights too, often), doing the undervalued multiple jobs (the ones that our society doesn’t see as worthy of receiving any payment, but that are integral, foundational and fundamental to the running of our society), alongside the wage earner doing their paid job.
This was the statement that really got his attention - I asked him to imagine if he would be able to work in his paid job, and get paid the wage he did, while he also did all the jobs of parenting our son & home-maintenance, etc. … He had to admit that would be near impossible. Yes, we both earn that money - Like team-members, each of us doing our part in ‘our department’, if you like, both equally integral to the capacity for one of us to do the job that does get paid in our society.
Now, with the financial tables temporarily turned in our home, and in the spirit of true equality, I use the same language to describe the money I currently bring in - I remind him that we both earn that money each week. I remind him that I would not be able to do the work I do now, that brings in the money we earn each month, if he was not simultaneously stepping in to do that invaluable (but totally devalued by our society) work of being primary carer for our son, on those days where I do the more ‘societal valued’ job.
Through having these hard conversations, I’ve come to passionately believe that in any household with two parents, where one person does the majority of the ‘paid work’, that the paycheque they receive should have both parents names on it, every month - This would be one concrete way that society could make a meaningful change, to begin to acknowledge the important work that all parents do, paid or not. To my mind, this would be a step towards real systemic equality.
Now, this notion of systemic change for equality, brings me to my issue with the theme for this years IWD: #acceleratedaction.
To my mind, this theme and its associated marketing seems to be pointed at individual women, rather than the wider system. It seems to be us individual women who are being encouraged to “step forward in solidarity and commit to helping”, with “increased momentum and urgency” to “understand what works and to do more of this, faster”, all in the service of forging more “gender equality”. These quotes are direct from the website for this year’s IWD.
If you go the website for this year’s IWD you will see, on their homepage about this year’s theme, no less than seventeen women holding up their arms in that classic sign of strength: A raised, flexed arm, as if to show our muscles. You will, on that same page, see only three men doing the same. And you will see no references to any systemic institutions like, the government or the education system or the healthcare system, needing to similarly flex their muscles of gender equality.
No, the theme this year seems to be only asking individual women, and a few token men: “Are you in? Will you help Accelerate Action? Strike the #AccelerateAction pose to show solidarity”.
Here’s what I thought when I read that: “No, thank you, IWD team. I am absolutely ‘all in’ on generating more gender equality in this world, but this year I will not accelerate action. I will not do more, or work harder or faster, or hold even more responsibility for changing the world that I already do.”
Instead I will prioritise my own humanity, as if it is equal with the humanity of all others. I will be mindful of my own human needs, and I will embody a way of being that assumes that my rights to good mental health, emotional health and physical health are valid and equal with all others, and I will make choices in line with that idea, to honour my health today.
For me, this means resting today. It means letting my partner know he will be the primary carer for our son for various pockets of time today - While I rest my bare feet on the grass outside for a sipped cup of hot tea, in peace and quiet. While I consciously listen to the birdsong, under a glorious blue, spring sky for a few minutes. While I go for a long walk in the countryside near to my house, and while I pause for a moment to appreciate the joy I’m feeling when I see evidence of spring arriving on my walk. While I sit outside under that blue sky again later, and just feel the intense gratitude and joy bubbling up in me, for the warmth of the sun on my face.
And also while I write this piece - not because I feel a pressure to, but because when I saw all of the #IWD2025 hashtags on Instagram this morning, I felt a fire in my belly and an upsurge of spontaneously creative energy that drew me straight to my computer today. I’m acutely aware that I have not felt such a creative surge this last month at all - This last month has been full of sickness in our home, a series of germs & bugs endlessly cycling between the three of us. And so, I’ve done far less outward facing work this month, and I’ve rested more. Today I felt better, so I could feel the creative energy return, and it is a joy to lean into it again.
I know for sure that had this IWD fallen on any other day in the last two weeks then this post would not exist - not because I’m not ‘all in’ on cultivating more gender equality, but because sometimes embodying gender equality means prioritising your health, and sometimes that means doing absolutely nothing. In fact, sometimes, doing nothing is the most revolutionary act we can engage in for the good of humanity and equality - especially if we are women in this western, patriarchal and capitalist, society most of us live in.
So, yes I have my issues with this IWD years theme. To my mind, women are mostly exhausted - from already and always ‘doing more’, ‘moving faster’, ‘starting the hard conversations’, ‘making the change they want to see in the world’. And, importantly, we are also exhausted from constantly fearing (even if largely unconsciously, even if just in the background) for our safety in a world where misogyny is so rife.
Even on my walk in the countryside today - As I turned off a more visible path, to cut into the woods, and I had a fleeting wondering: Might I meet a man today in those woods, who wanted to do me harm? And if I did - could I outrun them? Fight them off? If I screamed, would anyone hear me and come to my aid? It was only fleeting, and I did get home safe today, but I have to admit that it is all too often that I sit with this bubbling away uncertainty, worry and anxiety. I doubt that any men, cutting into that same wooded area today, wondered for even a moment about their potential safety at the hands of a random woman that might cross their path…
To my mind, real gender equality will only be made possible when more pressure for change is placed somewhere else - rather than the shoulders of the already exhausted women. To my mind, if we want true gender equality in this world, then women need to be encouraged & supported to do the very opposite of this year’s theme - we need to be supported to ‘do less’, ‘rest more’, ‘walk away’, ‘let it go’, and we need to be celebrated when we manage to do any of this, even for a moment - because that is how hard it is to do any of this as a women in this western, patriarchal and capitalist world.
At the same time, I don’t want to be drawn into an all-or-nothing debate about this year’s theme. I know it’s far more complex that that. To come up with a theme for IWD each year is not an easy task I’m sure, and I’m certain that coming up with a theme that speaks to, and resonates entirely with, every single human on the planet is downright impossible. There is merit in what this day is trying to do, and no doubt there is merit in what IWD achieves, and what it has achieved each and every year since its inception in 1911. I do not want to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater, because that certainly does nothing for forging more gender equality.
And, to be fair to the IWD team, their website does also say that “IWD is about gender equality in all its forms” and that “all IWD is activity is valid”. It notes that groups “can choose to mark IWD in whatever manner they deem most relevant, engaging, and impactful for their specific context, objectives, and audiences”, and that “for some, IWD is about fighting for women's rights. For others, IWD is about reinforcing key commitments, while for some IWD is about celebrating success. And for others, IWD means festive gatherings and parties. Whatever choices are made, all choices matter, and all choices are valid. All activity can help contribute to, and form part of, the thriving global movement focused on women's advancement”.
Ultimately the IWD website invites us to: “Join in solidarity and make IWD your day by doing what you can to support and advance women” (italics added by me).
So this is what I’ve done today. And I sincerely hope you have been able to do the same. I hope that you also looked beyond the hashtag of today, #accelerateaction, to see the more subtle messaging of ‘doing it your way absolutely counts as gender-equality activism’.
We do need accelerated action, of course we do, but what is glaringly missing from this hashtag is the acknowledgement that the most necessary action needs to come from the wider systems we all live & work in. What is also missing is the awareness that any action that a woman individually takes, towards gender equality, which requires that woman to deny her humanity (her need for rest, her need for time alone, her need to say ‘no’ sometimes, her need for feeling like she is doing ‘enough’ already), is categorically NOT real action towards gender equality.
To my mind, we’ll know we have more gender equality when we have equal rights to rest, equal rights to joy, equal rights to leisure activities and time away from parenting and caring duties, and therefore equal rights to good mental and physical health. I believe we simply cannot embody those rights without the support of wider systemic change, and nor can we embody those rights while we’re fighting for gender equality by always pushing through our human limits - while constantly feeling exhausted, yet constantly taking on more and more, and doing it faster and faster.
So - yes, today and everyday - do gender-equality activism your way! If you’ve got the energy today, go forth and forge gender equality through accelerated action! I celebrate you! And if, like me, you’re a bit knackered, and just need some time for you today, or some rest, then go forth and forge gender equality by claiming that time & rest! I celebrate you equally, if not more!! In my experience, this latter form of activism is the harder form to embody in this western world, and I believe wholeheartedly that it is the most important form of activism we need more of, to truly forge more gender equality into the future.
This doesn’t get said enough, but the humanity in each of us absolutely counts as a part of humanity. We cannot ‘better humanity’ by denying our own humanity. True world changing activism involves actions (and inactions) that honour the human needs of all humans, including me and you. I wholeheartedly believe that honouring our need for rest, our need for time in nature, our need for quiet, our need for alone time, etc. collectively honours humanity, and that is what gender equality is all about - honouring the humanity in every person, regardless of their gender.
Personally, I would sincerely appreciate an IWD theme one year that brings this ethos more to the forefront of the campaign, perhaps with a hashtag of its own such as #womenslowdown, or #womenrestingisactivism, #weareenough or #selfcompassionisactivism . I would also even more sincerely appreciate an IWD that puts far more, long-overdue pressure on societal structures to change, rather than individual women!
But, until then, I’ll continue to do what I can. I’ll look for that small print behind the slogan and the hashtag - the one that gives us all permission to ‘do it our way’ today. I’ll continue to prioritise my human needs, today and everyday. I’ll celebrate myself for meeting my needs. I’ll celebrate both the women who embody action, and I’ll celebrate the women who claim inaction as their activism, today and every day.
Jenny X
NB. Credit where it’s due:
My first introduction to the theme of IWD this year, and simultaneously my first introduction to the idea that #acceleratedaction may come with the associated cost of more exhaustion, which is a barrier to equality, was on an Instagram post by Tamu Thomas, author of Women Who Work Too Much.
My practices of prioritising rest, setting boundaries, asking for what I need, saying ‘no’, and prioritising slowness & joy have been influenced by many other women too, over recent years:
Brené Brown, in her many books and shame-resilience resources.
Kristen Neff, her many books and self-compassion resources.
Tricia Hersey in her book: “Rest is Resistance: Free Yourself from Grind Culture and Reclaim Your Life”
Eve Rodsky in her book: “Fair Play: Share the Mental Load, Rebalance your Relationship and Transform Your Life”
Pooja Lakshmin in her book: “Real Self Care: Powerful Practices to Nourish Yourself from the Inside Out”
Valarie Kaur in her book: ‘See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love’.
Karen Walrond in her book: “The Lightmaker’s Manifesto: How to Work for Change without Losing Your Joy”
Dorcas Cheng-Tozun in her book: “Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul: How to Change the World in Quiet Ways”
Red School, and their books and resources on Menstrual Cycle Awareness.
To name a few.
I am endlessly grateful to all of these women, and so many more, who I learn from, and who inspire me to meet my human needs, daily.
Thank you so much for reading!
I am Dr. Jenny Turner, Clinical Psychologist and founder of Mind Body Soul Psychology - a private psychology practice in which I offering-person psychology assessment and intervention in Ripon, Yorkshire (UK), as well as UK-wide online psychology services, via Zoom.
I am particularly passionate about assisting highly-sensitive, cycle-breaking mothers to feel less trapped by their chronic anxiety, and that all-too-common feeling of ‘never enough’. I work largely with compassionate, emotionally-focussed and trauma-informed models, and focus on supporting women to learn practices of self-compassion and shame-resilience, to meet their human needs. And I wholeheartedly practice what I preach.
You can find out more about the psychology services I offer via my website.
Oh yes! There have been many similar conversations in our house too. To be fair, my husband ’gets it’ - but still struggles to see the jobs that need doing without prompting at times.